July 16, 2024


Art Can't Be Beat

Hey, Muffinbutt!

3 min read
Hey, Muffinbutt!

I’m an outdated man — thirty-five, even! — but periodically, I go by one particular of those ‘second childhood’ phases. I feel I’m on my eighth or ninth by now it is hard to keep monitor.

The latest section associated seeking out the audio that the youthful whippersnappers are listening to these times. A couple tracks in, I discovered an intriguing trend — contacting individuals out with food items-similar nicknames.

A scenario in stage is this tune: ‘Discovering Out Genuine Adore Is Blind‘, by Louis XIV. In this just one, the singer saves his gastronomical metaphors for the females. For occasion, the tune commences with:

Ah, chocolate girl…

We are also taken care of to a couple of renditions of:

Hey, carrot juice…

See? ‘Carrot juice’ is a metaphor, cleverly referring to a redhead. And ‘chocolate girl’ signifies a black girl, likely. She’s even obtained a ‘vanilla pal, later in the verse’ possibly that 1 is white. Or blonde. Or albino — and what’s hotter than that? I request you.

Possibly that, or this guy is finding up chicks in a cafeteria. How the hell should I know? I am far too previous to be decoding any of this outrageous new songs nonsense.

On the other hand, I do like to maintain up with the hot new trends. And if this is how the kiddies are conversing now, then I’m down. So, I bopped into work now to attempt out a phew phat phood-connected greetings of my very own. The phirst — I suggest, 1st — person I ran into was the receptionist. Ideal.

Me: ‘Hey, Picklesocks!’

Her: ‘Hi, Cha– what did you just simply call me?’

Me: ‘Um… nothing. Never ever head.’

Okay — rough start. Hey, I’m new at all this jive conversing. I’ll get the hang of it. Following, I ran into my officemate.

Me: ”Sup, Yogurtnose?’

Him: ‘Excuse me?’

Me: ‘I mentioned, uh… great morning. Which is all.’

Him: ‘You’re a dork. You know that, right?’

So — oh for two. Fantastic point the fellas from the business down the corridor walked by before long just after. Observe makes great, ideal?

Me: ‘Yo, Cheddarballs! Tacobutt!’

Them: * shaking heads and strolling absent *

Me: ‘What? Come on! I anticipate that out of you, Tacobutt. But Cheddarballs, I thought we was restricted, brother!’

Dammit. Seemingly, exercise can make preposterous. I have been grossly misinformed. But I had a person previous probability to get it correct, when my manager stopped by to say howdy.

Manager: ‘Hello, Charlie.’

Me: ‘Yo, Fudgypants. What is shaking?’

Boss: ‘Did you just call me… ‘Fudgypants’?’

Me: ‘Er… no. No, not if you might be likely to consider that
angle about it. How about ‘Cabbageface’?’

Boss: ‘Cabbageface? You sure about that?’

Me: Not any more, no. Pumpkinhead? Coffeebreath? Tunadrawers? Support me out listed here.’

Manager: ‘Charlie, notify me — do you love doing the job below?’

Me: ‘Well, sure. Up until finally about 30 seconds back, anyway.’

It was very much downhill from there. Outdated ‘Tunadrawers’ called me into his business office and go through me the riot act. So, I am continue to employed, but the foody names are on long term hiatus. I guess I will by no means be a single of the awesome children. Fiddlenuts.

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