Beware of the Hair Demon!

I dislike hair. I necessarily mean it. It disgusts me, likely to preposterous proportions.

Now, really don’t get me wrong, my spouse has very long, beautiful hair. It can be magnificent, specifically when she curls it and does whatsoever ladies do to make it seem all moist and sassy. I like that. I adore getting shut to her and acquiring her hair drop all all-around me.


The next 1 of those people hairs leaves her head, it’s a repulsive demon, enemy of all that is very good in everyday living, and a horrifying item, specifically when it clumps jointly in moist teams and attacks with sticky, sloppy, clingy abandon.

Alright, maybe it really is not all that terrible. Hold out, on second imagined, indeed it is. I indicate, I know I have not been able to show, nonetheless, that moist, clingy hair clumps are conscious beings managed by a impressive evil demon out to wipe out the environment, but I fully feel they are.

But then, that’s my aged roommate’s fault, and I am going to notify you why.

Back when I was in college, I had one particular unique roommate who was effortlessly the hairiest dude I might ever met. I swear, he was element guerrilla, baboon, or only bathing in Rogaine on a daily basis, anything, I will not know. All I know is he could most likely have designed a really at ease living promoting his hair to wig makers without ever obtaining to search for any other employment in anyway.

I imply it, this dude was hairy, and he shed like a cat.

Naturally, he was not much on showers. He was a single of these greasy, bushy dudes that drinking water just sort of repelled off of anyway. He’d acquire a shower just about every two or a few days, but he’d only be in the bathroom at most 5 minutes and then he’d be finished, again out, and absolutely dressed.

However, in the 2-3 minutes he basically used in the shower, he could hair the area up much more than the other five of us that lived there could do in a thirty day period!

Seriously, he’d plug the drain with hair, depart hair on the shower curtain, the walls, the ground, the sink, just about everywhere! It was sickening. At moments, I wondered if he essentially took a shower though he was in there or if he just invested 5 minutes plucking and flinging.

The real dilemma, however, was that he merely refused to ever do nearly anything about it.

Every single one time he took a shower, he’d go away the drain plugged. I’d go in several hours later and there would continue to be standing h2o in the tub. I would have to achieve down and pull a gigantic wad of coarse, black, horrible hair out of the drain. Each solitary time!

It was disgusting!

Last but not least, I received quite, extremely fatigued of it and determined to test and make a point.

So, I borrowed an additional roommate’s personal computer and printed up a nifty minor sign for him. It confirmed a photograph of a hairy caveman, a shower, and a large unpleasant clump of hair blocking the shower drain, and it go through: “Upon leaving the shower, you should just take your hair with you!”

Now, you would believe he’d get the hint from this, appropriate? I stuck it correct on the lavatory door!

But no, very little adjusted. The only detail I completed was having a few of my other roommates to appear down on me like I was becoming a rude bully. Yeah, they essentially acted like I was poor for teasing him about his hairy ailment or some thing.

Can you feel that? I couldn’t consider it. I’m sorry, but telling someone to thoroughly clean up immediately after by themselves is not rude. Leaving your soggy sheddings for somebody else to extract from the plumbing, now That’s impolite.

I will not know, maybe I’m wrong. It’s possible I’m just staying squeamish. Probably I am creating far too considerably out of almost nothing. Maybe I’m just hair-o-phobic. Or possibly I am correct and there definitely is a hair demon little by little, stealthily, sneaking his tiny hairy minions in to each and every corner of the environment, waiting around for the working day he has 1 definitely everywhere so he can launch a devastating, fast, global assault and subvert the earth into filthy, slimy, drain clogging submission!

Or, it’s possible not.

Either way, I would however like to locate my furry aged roommate and send out him some industrial energy hair clippers for Xmas — or perhaps a weed whacker — and a note that says: “Pricey Hairball, the Eskimos have operate out of caribou hide for making parkas. Can you assist?”